


Remains of Oblivion

by RestlessCancer



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Needs a Hug, Dean Needs A Hug, Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gabriel Needs a Hug, Guardian Angels, Guardian Castiel, Guardian-Ward Relationship, Hurt, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Nephilim Dean, Pain, Rebirth, Resurrection of sorts, Sadness, Sorrow, half breed Dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-04 06:45:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10270646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RestlessCancer/pseuds/RestlessCancer
Summary: Castiel knew so much and could practically predict any possible outcome, except for when it came to Dean. The man was predictably unpredictable and that didn't help Castiel's already dangerously humanist psyche after their first lucid conversation since they both escaped Purgatory.





	1. Back from Oblivion

“ _ When you fall asleep _ __   
_ With your head upon my shoulder _ _   
_ _ When you're in my arms  _ __ But you've gone somewhere deeper… ” He sang quietly, his voice rough but smooth like waves on a beach covered in partially crushed shells.

It was all a blur and yet somehow it was as if each moment were painstakingly laid out before him, like a painter illuminating a scene of forest life, attempting to put all this motion and energy into a single still and infinitesimally detailed work of artistic preservation. He couldn’t believe he was holding this beautiful, broken boy in his arms. Realistically,  the boy was actually a man who could, normally, more than handle and take care of himself, but he knew said man had finally hit his limit.  Aside from that, the man was still a baby compared to him and his thousands of years of life, though he’d never known strife and pain in the ways that this fragile human had. This blessing of being able to hold the broken soul in his arms was more than he could have ever prayed for. 

“ _ Are you going to age with grace? _ __   
_ Are you going to age without mistakes? _ __   
_ Are you going to age with grace? _ _   
_ _ Only to wake and hide your face? _ ” He continued, his lips brushing against the little heavenly prince’s forehead before he presses them there in a gentle kiss. “ __ When oblivion Is calling out your name, You always take it further Than I ever can… ”

He hadn’t seen his human in what felt like a millennium, which realistically had been few months. Still, it was quite the contrast to where they had been the last time they were together. Being hunted was definitely never on his to do list nor did he wish it on anyone he gave even the slightest positive thought for. Though he was certainly happy to leave that activity to the King of Hell and all his ill-tempered, misbehaved lot. His vessel’s heart gave a stutter at the memory of being on numerous hit lists- the uncertainty of survival, the fear for the ‘little’ prince’s well-being-not to mention life in general, and the pain of enduring such… such…. Insanity and punishment… No, he couldn’t dwell on that now, he had his young one to soothe.

Castiel hummed, kissing the man’s temple before continuing his a cappella rendering of Bastille’s Oblivion. “ _ When you play it hard And I try to follow you there, It's not about control But I turn back when I see where you go, Are you going to age with grace? Are you going to leave a path to trace? But oblivion Is calling out your name, You always take it further Than I ever can, When oblivion Is calling out your name, You always take it further Than I ever can… _ ”

He smiled as the boy stirred, grumbling sleepily and struggling to pull away from sleep’s gentle but firm grasp. Before the younger could pull away from his position of laying on his stomach upon his companion, the older gently cupped his head and held it to his own shoulder, rubbing his back with his free hand.

“Cassie?” The man timidly whispered, too out of sorts to cover his vulnerability with his usual gruff facade.

“There’s my indestructible hunter,” Castiel practically cooed, unable to hold back the familial affection he held for Heaven’s vessel. “Welcome back, Dean…”

“I can’t…” He responded, his voice breaking with too many emotions. “Please… Let me be done…”

“Shhh, Dean.” Castiel soothed, nuzzling Dean’s temple. “I’m here now and I’m sorry I ever left… I know it’s been hard on you in my absence but I really thought I was doing the right thing to push you back to Earth and stay in purgatory to draw them away and make them forget about you…”

“All this time… I thought it was all my fault… I thought I let you go… You’re such a dick, Cassie…” Dean insulted the angel in a whisper, though the statement lacked his usual anger and fierceness. “But you just wanted to punish yourself… And for what? For all the things that weren’t actually your fault…? Stop being so damn selfish and just let me go…”

This was most lucid moment Dean’s had since Castiel pushed him through the portal between Purgatory and Earth. Dean was broken in more than just body- his mind and soul were no better off and probably actually worse than his corporeal form. Castiel had found Dean blacked out in his precious Impala on a backroad at the base of a mountain outside Missoula, Montana. It was a beautiful peaceful place that was next door to the werewolf pack that his little soldier was likely after before his body went on strike. The sight of Dean when Castiel finally found him broke his hearts- the one owned by his vessel and the one that, prior to developing a bond with Dean, he wouldn’t have realised he had, let alone the capacity to feel such mortal, humanistic emotions. 

Dean was all skin, tendons, ligaments, joint tissue, and bones. There was barely a noticeable ounce of fat, or even really muscle, to be seen. The man was practically comatose and having a chat with Death at that point. On top of the obvious lack of nutrition, his hygiene was so poor one would have thought the hunter didn’t even know the concept existed and sleep? Well, if it weren’t for the dark circles and bags under his sunken eye sockets, the assumption would have been that all he did was sleep. 

Fortunately, Castiel had received a rather generous set of gifts from his older brother, Gabriel, which had included a rather impressive savings account (how had the archangel known Castiel would once again defy the wishes of their Father and all their siblings before he had known himself?!) and a cozy little home tucked into a semi-secluded and well forested valley, fortunately in the very town that he had found Dean outside of, to name a couple. Gabriel could be such an invasive pain in the ass, but there was no doubt that it wasn’t often a bad thing- however much Castiel hated to admit it. This lovely little cross between a log cabin and ranch home was where Castiel had immediately brought his little prince. Since then, he had worked his damnedest to nurse his fragile yet tenacious lion cub- perhaps he had been listening to Mumford and Sons a bit too much but the song, “Little Lion Man,” seemed to relate a little too well to Dean and himself. Castiel was brought back to the present by Dean’s feeble attempts to pry himself from his heavenly protector.

“Dean, I promise you my aim is not to be selfish and make you live because I want you to. You are destined to join your mother in Heaven when pass from this realm. Therefore, to keep you alive and on this earthly plane is pointless when my home of birth is where you’re to be delivered unto.” Castiel assured Dean, running his fingers through the man’s ruffled and poorly trimmed locks. “I help you live because your soul is not ready to accept deliverance from this life, the inevitable end. Your mind is weary and beyond tired, but your soul refuses to give up on all that you have worked to accomplish, all that you have yet to experience that it so desperately cries out for… Though what it aches for most is a restart… a do-over as you all call it.”

“You couldn’t be more wrong. For all the knowledge you claim to hold of the universe, of me, you lack ability to understand any of it and to know when to quit.” Dean disagreed, the venom surfacing as he finally freed himself from the angel’s normally iron-clad grasp as Castiel went limp with hurt and surprise at his words. “I know my mind, my body, my soul- no amount of angel mojo or mind-reading bullshit is gonna give you any right to claim you know me. And if we had such a fucking profound bond, you wouldn’t have let go.” 

With that Dean slowly eased himself out of bed, still unsettlingly weak from months of consuming only alcohol, water and whatever cheap junk food snacks he consumed only to keep himself alive for just one more day while he tried to find his place again and figure his reason, if he even had one, for trying. Sam had moved on, assuming his big brother had done the same- even being so bold as to assume that Dean was the one who had willingly ceased all communication between the two. Bobby loved him, but he still wasn’t that huge on any sort of open affection or coddling. Not that Dean wanted to be coddled or loved, or told that he was a good person and always had a home and someone- instead of a something in the form of his baby, the Impala- that would always love him and be there whenever he needed them.

“Dean…” Castiel breathed, feeling as though someone had pierced him in the chest with his own blade.

“Just shut the fuck up, Castiel. Save it for somebody who cares.” Dean snapped, taking a couple shaky steps before starting to topple over from weakness as his head spun and black spots clouded his vision.

Castiel was there in an instant, sweeping Dean into his arms and holding him like a man would his newly official bride as they prepared to cross the threshold. His breath hitched as he looked at the human he had spent so many years protecting and caring for, so weak, damaged, hurt, and hateful. This mortal, one who Castiel wouldn’t have hesitated to put back in line by any means necessary before the apocalypse, had just told the angel that he no longer cared for the heavenly being that had risked his very existence to try and save him, to make him happy, healthy, and safe- well, as much as possible given the grave circumstances they had been faced with.

“If you truly no longer care for me or anything I have to give you, affections or otherwise, I will go…” Castiel weeped, his tears searing hot like raw grace on human flesh. “I shall not bother you ever again. I will leave you to choose your own path…”

Dean’s eyes narrowed and his eyebrows scrunched as a cluster fuck of confusion, regret, guilt, and discomfort (to name a few emotions broiling behind those emerald eyes) spun like a ballerina in a tornado. He had never seen Castiel look so hurt, especially not to the point that he cried… And what was with that anyway? After all this time, Dean could’ve swore that any human emotion was rendered null and void by his dick squad upbringing and training. 

“Before I leave you to do as you please, I wish to be as forthcoming and honest as I can,” Castiel amended as his voice repeatedly betrayed him, setting Dean in a sitting position against the wall of pillows at the head of the bed and taking a seat on the edge. “I have learned so much from you and all of humanity. Some things I wish I hadn’t now that I see how my actions have led me astray from my desired path. But, as you have taught me, that is part of life…”

“Just… Spit it out, Cas…” Dean pushed, unsure of where this is going and whether he really wants to know or not.

“I have feelings now, feelings that used to be exclusively Human in nature and, I dare say, existence. The one I have astonished myself with is…” Castiel nearly sobbed, pausing to try and compose himself enough to go on. “Love. I never knew it could be so wonderful and yet so painful… I never believed that a heart could break since it is not made of glass and it is not a metal mechanism, but I believe that this feeling… A physical pain that feels like what I imagine would be the tortuous agony of being stabbed through the chest with my own blade… That feeling is one of a heart breaking, though I fear I have twice as much since my vessel seems to empathize with me…”

“Cas…” Dean hesitated, feeling worse and worse as the angel continues.

“I apologize, but I must say it since… Well, since this is my only chance, seeing as how you wish me to remove myself from your life.” Cas sniffled, touching a trembling hand to his face to catch his shameful tears. “Dean, I am not sure in what way, though I know it is a way of intimacy, but… I… I… Dean Winchester, I love you. I am deeply sorry I have abused your trust in me to the point that you no longer wish to associate with me in any way. Goodbye, my Heavenly Little Prince…”

With that final, tearful, utterance, Castiel placed a loving kiss upon Dean’s forehead and dissolved into thin air. It was as if the Angel Castiel had never existed.


	2. Failure to Cope

The week following his last encounter with the Angel Castiel, Dean struggled to drag himself out of bed each day to tend to his basic needs of hygiene, nourishment, and movement. He was so weak compared to when he first came back from Purgatory. The one benefit of being in a realm that was essentially a bubble of time stasis was that he could skip meals and tending to his other essential needs without the typical negative consequences. Naturally, it was quite a shock when he returned to Earth and slowly but surely, it all caught up to him until  _ he _ was the fleshy skeleton facing him off in the bathroom mirror. Thankfully for him, Castiel had already thought of his desire and need for independence and how his recovery would hinder his ability to cook or even drive to a restaurant to get food. He had left a mini-fridge well stocked with both protein and meal replacement shakes. There was also various yogurts and other non-refrigerated healthy snacks as well as a few unhealthy ones just to restore some of his body’s natural and necessary fat content. The physical recovery was actually going quite well, all things considered.

 

The mental and emotional recovery was a different story. In addition to the conflicting thoughts and feelings plaguing him every single second from things that had been bothering him long before Castiel had whisked him off as if he were an archetypal knight in shining armor, or to be more literal and obvious- guardian angel, and set him on the road to recovery, a whole new slew of emotions and impressions joined the hurricane in his brain. He had already been beating himself to death (nearly literally at one point- or at least setting others up to do the dirty work for him) over Sammy and why his baby brother had drawn such insane conclusions in his absence. The first time Sam took off for Stanford, he had harassed the life out of the man to make sure everything was fine. It got to the point that  Sam threatened to change burner phones and not give Dean the new number. At that point, Dean had eased up and made a deal that his brother had to call him once a week without fail or Dean would come see how the younger Winchester was doing in person. Fortunately, Sam had taken the deal and followed up on it. Given how the first run at Stanford went, he couldn’t understand how his little brother had come to the assumption that this time was any different. 

 

But all of those thoughts, and the sobering fact that the only other person on God’s green Earth that even cared about him was Bobby, were just distractions from the real issues that he was avoiding. Dean had been trying to forget and avoid the guilt he felt but he was plagued by strange dreams that seemed so real. In fact, he was sure they were memories of sorts. The weird thing was that they were from before most humans’ memories start. In the dreams he was a fragile little baby and Mary was still alive, but Castiel was there too… Whenever he woke up as a baby and cried or was left to play alone, Castiel would appear and make it all better… That couldn’t be right though, could it? Between all the thoughts and strange dreams, he felt like a jerk for his general lack of regard for life and how he had single-handedly shattered one of God’s strongest and kindest children. How was he supposed to know that the angel felt that way? It’s not like he had the mind-reading ability. And besides, it’s weird to love another man, especially in an intimate way! Right…?

 

“Wrong.” A voice chastised, startling Dean out of his head. As the older Winchester looked up, he came face to face with the trickster archangel. “Father, help us, you have got it all wrong, Kiddo.” 

 

The Archangel Gabriel looked like a walking disaster, which was frightening since he normally looked like he walked out of a Calvin Klein photoshoot. It only made him more nervous that he could see dried tear tracks on the angel’s face. He had seen Gabriel irritated and pissed off many times before, but he never saw the man cry.

 

“Gabe?” Dean hesitated, unsure of what to say. “Were you… Were you crying?”

 

“Yeah, that’s a thing that happens when you’re upset.” Gabriel responded, irritated and amused all at once. 

 

“Why are you upset? What’s wrong?”

 

“Cut the shit, Dean.” Gabriel sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “What were you thinking? Cassie… he’s only ever done everything for you… to make your life better, easier… Happier… How the fuck could you take his heart and crush it?!”

 

Dean didn’t know how to answer that and he wasn’t sure he wanted to either way… In an instant, Dean was having what he could only describe as visions as Gabriel grabbed him by the forehead. 

 

In Heaven, Castiel lie in his own little garden outfitted with an old Victorian four poster bed cushioned with luxurious petal pink linens and blankets surrounded by pale rose ombre curtains. For the first time, he could see the Angel’s wings and he wished he couldn’t. They were mangled and bare in some small patches. His wings would have been beautiful, they’re shimmering midnight black sparkling with deep hues of blues, pinks, purples, and greens like the Northern Lights. As for the Angel himself, he was unusually dull and pale. He could tell from Gabriel’s reaction that Castiel’s appearance was far from normal and something told Dean that the angel’s grace was also critically low. All in all, it spelled disaster and potentially death for the youngest angel (or at least the youngest that Dean knew of). Dean gasped as Gabriel let go, yanking the older Winchester out of his vision of the young angel.

 

“I’m not normally one for shaming and guilt-tripping, but this isn’t a normal situation.” Gabriel pointed out. “You should be ashamed, Dean Winchester. All he ever wanted was to take care of you. Cassie… he  _ loved  _ you… And now my Cassie is damn near dead. He cut open his chest and tried to drain his Grace… He was plucking his feathers out one by one…”

 

“I never meant to hurt him…” Dean argued weakly.

 

It was hard to fight when the only things he could come back with were lies. He had meant to hurt Castiel because the angel had deceived him and then expected him to pretend like it never happened. He wanted Castiel to hurt because he was hurt. It was in no means healthy the way Dean was operating but it was hard not to lash out against someone who seemed to force him into things that he might not want for himself.

 

“You lying little…” Gabriel growled, tears racing down his vessel’s face. “YES, YOU DID!”

 

That was another new thing, no matter how pissed Gabriel had been before, Dean can’t remember ever hearing him yell like he just did.

 

“Okay fine!” Dean yelled back. “I did! I wanted him to feel as bad as I felt! He forced me to do things without even asking what I wanted! He deceived me and made me think I was the one who fucked up!”

 

“Well maybe he was right!” Gabriel snapped. “Maybe you are the one who fucked up since he’s lying in a bed essentially on life support via my Grace and his connection to Heaven!”

 

Dean had no response to that. What do you even say when an Archangel calls you out on your bullshit? He felt like apologizing was a good place to start but it wasn’t Gabriel he truly needed to apologize to. But there was more to this than just the recent rift with Castiel now that he had been having those strange dreams or flashbacks or whatever they were…

 

“So you’ve seen them, huh?” Gabriel sniffed, getting himself under control as he roughly wiped away the salt water droplets from his face.

 

“What?” Dean questioned, wondering what Gabriel was referring to.

 

“There’s stories that say when an Angel leaves their handprint on a human and then becomes damaged or weak, the human sees memories of that angel, usually through dreams or, depending on how recent the memory, a wicked case of deja vu. The Angel is typically projecting their fondest memories of guarding their human.” Gabriel explains sitting on the edge of the bed. “It seems Cassie was pretty fond of the time when you were just a helpless, sweet little baby…”

 

Dean wasn’t sure how to feel that Castiel liked it better when Dean was useless and helpless. It was flattering in some weird way that the Angel was willing to look after him at a time when he couldn’t even tell the heavenly being what he wanted or needed. Taking care of a baby was a huge sacrifice, especially when he was meant to be a soldier, not a guardian.

 

“You’re damn right, Kid.” Gabriel agreed. “But on top of everything, he risked his status in Heaven by defying his predestined purpose that Father gave him because something in him resonated with you for some reason- even long before you officially determined as Heaven’s vessel or were sent to Hell. Cassie… he still loves you.”

 

“He shouldn’t…” Dean murmured, shaking his head. “After all I’ve done to him, all the times I’ve hurt him or got him hurt because of me… How the fuck does he even give me a second thought?”

 

“Don’t ask me. I don’t pretend to know what goes on in my baby brother’s head.” Gabriel responded. “I’ve got to go. I need to check on Cassie’s Grace and tend to his wings. Some of the feathers he plucked should be trying to come back in sometime soon.”

 

“Okay…” Dean sighed, unhappy with this new set of information. “See you around, I guess.”

  
With that, Gabriel faded out of existence with only the sound of wings flapping to let him know that the Archangel was there in the first place. Dean wasn’t sure he could live with the guilt he now felt heavy on his chest and the recovery wasn’t going the way he wanted, though he wasn’t sure what he was actually wanting from it in the first place… He guessed there was only one way to go and it wouldn’t affect anyone since no one knew what had happened or that he was even alive in the first place. He was closer before Castiel had whisked him off but there hadn’t been as much of a reason to then. Now was a different story.


	3. Moving On

Gabriel had gone back to Heaven and kept close watch on his brother for the span of three earth days before he felt something shift. Something had happened and he couldn’t yet tell if it was good or bad, let alone what exactly could have happened that he would be this in-tune to. His first thought was something involving Michael, Raphael, or Crowley. But that was unlikely since everyone knew how quickly Gabriel has been at handing out admonishments and how paranoid he’s been since little Cassie’s been laid up. That led him to his next thought- who would have no regard for any supernatural being’s bad moods? The Winchester Brothers. He wondered if Sam was starting to lose it with the pressure and stress at Stanford? It wouldn’t be that surprising at this point since Sammy looked ready to tear his hair out the last time Gabriel popped in for a visit. Then again… If anyone was likely to do something unsettling enough to cause this much commotion in Heaven, it was more likely the older Winchester… Dean had a habit of stirring the pot more than anyone ever should. With that in mind, Gabriel began to investigate by connecting through his siblings via their Grace connection. What he glimpsed, he couldn’t believe so he flew from his brother’s bedside to the gates of Heaven. Sure enough, trouble himself was standing on the other side, looking far healthier than he had since returning from Purgatory.

 

“Dean Winchester!” Gabriel snapped, once again pinching the bridge of his nose. “I know you didn’t just get yourself killed to get here.” 

 

There was collective gasp amongst the Heavenly beings on either side of the gate. Dean no longer looked like a macrame biology project. He was restored to his former condescending glory with the muscles and energy to back it- minus the corporeal form to put the ‘umph’ behind it. It was easy to understand why his brothers and sisters were so shocked. First off, the man had started to look pretty indestructible after (barely, but still) surviving the apocalypse. Secondly, none of them truly believed him to be the Righteous Man and Heavenly Vessel he was said to be- simply because they refused- for multiple reasons.

 

“Hey, Gabe,” Dean greeted awkwardly. “I’d say funny seeing you here, but, uh, this is your realm…”

 

“Dean, what did you do?” Gabriel demanded, nodding at his brother to let the man through the gates. 

 

“I made a mistake…” Dean mumbled as he passed through the gates, avoiding eye contact with the Heavenly beings. “Not the first time, probably not the last…”

 

“You went after that Werewolf pack, didn’t you?” Gabriel pressed.

 

“They were getting outta hand and needed to be put back in their place.” Dean shrugged, still not looking the Archangel in the eye.

 

“Dean, look me in the eye and say that again.” 

 

As soon as they made eye contact, Gabriel saw what had really happened. Dean had managed to dress himself and stumble out of the house. The oldest Winchester had gotten word that the pack had migrated closer to Missoula. Since spring had started, more and more University of Montana students had been hiking up to the big concrete “M” on the mountain to stargaze and have romantic excursions on the mountain side. Unfortunately, that made them prime targets for Werewolves. Since it was so close and the wolves weren’t going all the way up to the “M” to catch their victims, he hadn’t bothered to take Baby, knowing he didn’t have the strength or focus. All he took with him was a pistol and plenty of silver bullets. To be fair, he did manage to kill three of the four before they realized exactly where he was hiding since he had confused them by leaving a misleading blood trail before painstakingly climbing into a tree and having at them as they attempted to track him. It was the leader of the pack that survived and finally tore Dean apart.

 

“It wasn’t a lie.” Dean pointed out, trying to be nonchalant but coming off as sheepish instead.

 

“No, it wasn’t a  _ complete _ lie but you knew that would be the result.” Gabriel accused. “Why did you really get yourself killed?”

 

Dean couldn’t look away, but he couldn’t answer either and all Gabriel could read on him was guilt. The image of Cassie all laid up and looking near death was the featured thought in his mind. The elder Winchester sighed and ran a hand through his hair. They still had an audience and he wasn’t really comfortable with this as it is. Despite his anger, frustration, and annoyance with Dean, Gabriel still took pity on the man and sent his brothers and sisters on their way and told them to go do whatever they needed to do. He then took Dean aside with a deep sigh.

 

“Cassie’s actually doing a lot better. His wings aren’t bare anymore and he’s looking more like himself again. His Grace is mostly restored as well.” Gabriel shared, noting the immense relief rolling off of the man standing before him. “The only problem is that he’s burrowed himself away from the world in meditation, which normally wouldn’t be a concern…”

 

“Then why is it?” Dean questioned, not understanding the problem.

 

“It’s a problem because often that meditation is used as a link to Heaven while on Earth or to our siblings, or- on rare occasions- Father, but Cassie’s not connected to anyone. He’s shut himself off from everyone is meditating purely in his memories, or so it seems.” Gabriel explained, feeling his Grace stutter at the thought. “The only other theory I have, which I’ve only ever heard stories and rumors of happening, is that he’s created a world in his mind with his Grace where it can be his safe haven.”

 

“Well, isn’t that a good thing?” 

 

“Not necessarily, Kiddo. He could still fade out and cease to exist if he really wanted to. He’s not really safe until he wakes up.” 

 

“Then why not just wake him up?” Dean pressed, not seeing the forest for the trees. 

 

“I can’t. No one so far has been able to stimulate him enough.” Gabriel snipped, frustrated with Dean’s assumption that they hadn’t already tried every obvious solution. “Sorry, but it’s just that we’ve tried everything we could think of so far. I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

 

Dean was silent. He was afraid to suggest what he had intended to do once he got to Heaven. It wasn’t clear whether Gabriel would want him anywhere near his baby brother.

 

“I… I could try… You know, try to talk to him…?” Dean proposed, sounding unsure. 

 

“I don’t know, Dean…” Gabriel responded. “It’s not because I don’t want you near him, but it’s because there’s plenty of stories about things like that too. There’s so many stories and rumors surrounding interactions between humans and Angels that no one knows what’s true and what’s false.”

 

“I’m guessing there’s one about this kind situation too then?” Dean prompted, wanting to get the full story.

 

“Yep, you guessed it.” 

 

“Well?”

 

“There’s a story of an Angel in the lower rankings of the Guardian class. She fell ill when her bond with her human was strained and nearly shattered. The human boy had been praying to this Angel for help when his father fell ill. He prayed for a miracle. He knew his father couldn’t live forever but the boy didn’t want to lose the man so soon. The Angel wasn’t allowed to interfere with the father because the man wasn’t hers to look after. As a result, the boy’s father died. When he died, the boy lashed out at his Angel and even when so far as to rescind his respect and love for God.” Gabriel elaborated, leading Dean down the path that led to the part of Heaven where Angels reside. “When the Angel, who had grown quite attached to her charge, had heard these things, she fell ill- much like Cassie did- even attempting to harm herself. One day, the boy realized how wrong he was and how scared and alone he felt in her absence. He was fourteen when he committed suicide. Upon reaching Heaven, he went directly to his Angel and apologized, begged, and pleaded for forgiveness from her and from God. She awoke from her meditative state and was actually stronger than before and she was granted eternity with her charge in Heaven.”

 

“What’s the problem then?” Dean asked, still not seeing what he was getting at. “It sounds like this is just what he needs.”

 

“There are conflicting stories and variations on the original story itself that give a million different outcomes. And there’s a chance that interacting with Cassie while you’re no more than a soul in Heaven could result in your soul form changing and-” Gabriel amended, getting flustered with uncertainty. Why anyone would want all this knowledge when all it does is cause conflict and confusion was beyond him.

 

“Slow your roll, trickster.” Dean interrupted. “Look, if there’s any chance that me talking to him will wake him up and heal him the rest of the way, I’m willing to take the chance and any consequences that come with it. It’s not like anyone’s gonna miss me on Earth and as overbearing as Cas can be, there are worse ways to spend eternity.”

  
Gabriel frowned, but didn’t say anything further. He continued on the well manicured path leading up to Castiel’s little piece of Heaven known as the Serenity Garden. All the while, Dean felt an anxious but anticipatory flutter about his soul the closer they got to his Guardian Angel.


	4. The Serenity Garden

The garden’s name suited it perfectly. As soon as Dean entered and looked around the place, he felt calm and content. It was like ten years just melted off of him as he took in the millions of types of flowers neatly organized by color and height, creating a beautiful, rainbow swirl designed to wrap the Angel in warmth and life. The pathway was made of beautiful mosaic stepping stones that depicted scenes from Earth, Heaven and Space. Dean was almost afraid to step on them and if it hadn’t been for Gabriel’s lead, he would have walked on the perfectly trimmed grass instead. Even the four poster bed had vines of flowers creeping up the posts, around the upper frame, and completely coated the headboard and footboard. All in all, it seemed pretty worthy of its claim to space in Heaven. But the real sight to behold was the Angel Castiel. He was stunningly handsome, even essentially comatose, with his vessel’s average but charming looks paired with his angelic, shimmering black wings.

 

Dean couldn’t help but rush to the man’s side. His guilt was really starting to eat at him worse than before. There was something about being up close to see the damage with his own two eyes that dissolved any disconnect he may have had about what happened to his friend and guardian. He sat on the edge of the bed and locked his fingers with Castiel’s. There was an astonishing lack of response considering the Angel claimed he could identify Dean upon his soul’s presence alone. 

 

“Talk to him.” Gabriel instructed in a quiet voice.

 

“Hey Cas…” Dean breathed. “I… I… Uh… I’m sorry… For everything… I know you’ve always wanted the best for me because you care but I let my anger and frustration get to me. I was just so mad that you said you’d stay with me and keep an eye on me and then… you let go like it was all just…. Just a ruse to get me to release you because you didn’t want to be stuck with me anymore…”

 

They waited what felt like hours for Castiel to react with no luck. Gabriel sighed and noticed a change in Dean’s soul former- it looked about twenty years younger than when he first arrived in Heaven. The more time Dean spent with Cas, it seemed the more the years were just rolling off of him. If Castiel didn’t believe adult Dean was there, Gabriel was certain his baby brother would wake up for a very young version. The Archangel just had to keep the man busy until Cassie woke up.

 

“Try saying something else… Talk about something only you two would know.” Gabriel prompted.

 

Dean was quiet as he thought the suggestion over. There wasn’t much that only he and Cas would know, but if there’s one thing Cas would recognize it would their ‘theme song.’ He and the angel had been joking around after the apocalypse about what it would have been if they would have been part of some cheesy movie or something. At the time, it was only him and Cas because Sam was getting ready to go back to school and Gabriel was in Heaven trying to pull things back to some semblance of order. So, if there was one thing that only those two knew, it was the stupid little theme song that Cas had suggested and Dean had confirmed.

 

“Well, here goes nothing….” Dean sighed, clearing his throat. “ I came here for sanctuary Away from the winds and the sounds of the city. I came here to get some peace Way down deep where the shadows are heavy. I can't help but think of you, In these four walls my thoughts seem to wander To some distant century When everyone we know is six feet under. When all of our friends are dead and just a memory And we're side by side, it's always been just you and me For all to see. When our lives are over And all that remains Are our skulls and bones Let's take it to the grave And hold me in your arms, Hold me in your arms. I'll be buried here with you And I'll hold in these hands, all that remains…”

 

Dean hadn’t noticed the physical changes in himself or Castiel as he sang because he had his eyes shut tight against the tears he refused to shed. The song, “Remains” by Bastille, featuring Rag’n’bone Man and Skunk Anansie, was hitting a little too close to home. And to think, the song wasn’t even in Dean’s genre of music! But the lyrics were what meant the most the Guardian Angel and his ward. But the changes were there nonetheless. Dean looked like he couldn’t be anymore than nineteen and Castiel’s wings and eyes were starting flutter. 

 

“I don't want to rest in peace. We can haunt each other's dreams. We'll fight underneath this turf And bicker away in darkness. We'll find our way to resolve Our banes from the land of the living And we'll find a common ground, Fall in love all over again. When all of our friends are dead and just a memory And we're side by side, it's always been just you and me For all, all to see,” Dean sang, another ten years melting off him as he gripped Castiel’s hand tighter while a couple rouge tears streamed down his face.

 

“When our lives are over And all that remains Are our skulls and bones, Let's take it to the grave And hold me in your arms, Hold me in your arms. I'll be buried here with you And I'll hold in these hands, all that remains,” Castiel sang with him as his Vessel’s eyes slowly slid open.

 

Gabriel stared, completely shocked for once in his existence. Dean looked no more than four years old by this point as he dove down onto Cassie’s chest, laying on the man on his stomach and holding on tight. The Archangel was glad that Dean’s soul had been so willing to reduce its form so Cassie would start to notice and accept it better, both for Cassie’s sake of waking and for Dean’s embarrassment.

 

“Hello, my Little Prince.” Castiel greeted in that perfect velvety voice as he wrapped his arms and wings around Dean. “This is an awfully nice cognitive vision I am having.”

 

The Angel took a deep breath through his Vessel’s nose and it even smelled like his Dean. The boy just clung tighter and even started to cry in his relief.

 

“Cassie, honey, it’s not a dream…” Gabriel breathed, brushing the hair away from his baby brother’s eyes. “Dean’s really here… You were asleep so long and you know that stubborn little boy… He pushed himself to take down that Werewolf pack before he was fully healed. He almost succeeded but he was too weak to fight of the Alpha by the time they came face to face…”

 

But his baby brother was too wrapped in his relief and amazement to process what his big brother was telling him.

 

“I’m sorry, Cassie!” Little Dean sobbed into Castiel’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I was so mean and terrible. I was so scared and lonely after you left me.”

 

“Oh, sweetpea, shhh,” Castiel hushed, his hearts feeling for the boy. “I know you’re sorry and didn’t mean it. It’s okay… Shhh, sweetie… I’m sorry I scared you and left you all alone. I should have stayed anyway, but I was being so silly thinking I shouldn’t have…”

 

Another year or two just rolled right off Dean’s soul form and Gabriel intruded a bit with his ‘mojo’ to make sure Dean was properly dressed so there wouldn’t be any ‘accidents’ since the boy was barely a toddler at this point. It seemed Castiel’s influence was only serving to encourage Dean’s soul regress.

 

“He’s so tiny…” Castiel commented, a soft, affectionate smile gracing his face. “How did he get here? How is this possible?”

 

“It’s like I tried to explain before, Cassie, he died… He has no corporeal form anymore, just his soul form. He’s so deeply bonded with you that his soul has reacted to the desires encouraged from the warmth of your Grace.” Gabriel explained, trying to be as delicate as possible.

 

As Castiel looked down, he noticed Dean’s soul form had regressed further, all the way to infancy, and used his Grace to properly outfit his tiny charge. Dean had cried himself out for the meantime as Castiel cradled him properly to his chest. The poor little guy was so tired that he fell asleep. He couldn’t believe he failed his charge so thoroughly that he died…

 

“Hey now, not of that, baby bro,” Gabriel gently chastised. “Dean chose his path like any human would and he was already trying to take this path long before you two had your falling out. You told me yourself that he was practically dead by the time you find him in Missoula.”

  
“You’re right, which is rather annoying,” Castiel admitted, rolling his eyes. “But it wasn’t his time… And what happens when Sam finds out that Dean’s dead?”

 

Gabriel hadn’t processed a word of what his little brother said until moments later when he came out of his haze after hearing his ward’s broken, desperate prayer.

 

“I think Sam just found out…” Gabriel frowned, making eye contact as he came to.

 

“Oh Father, help that poor man…” Castiel sighed, looking down at the sleeping infantile Dean in his arms as he started shift and whine. “I suppose he should age up so we can discuss his actions and tell him about Sam before he has a chance to get to attached to Heaven…”

 

“Cassie, he can’t be resurrected this time… You can’t recreate his body because he wasn’t wrongfully killed and he’s not in Hell… And his original body was torn beyond repair by that Alpha…” Gabriel pointed out.

 

“But… He didn’t even live a full life… He never got married or had the option to have kids, a house,or a career of his choice… He never had a stable family…” Castiel lamented, rocking Dean in his arms. “And what if we need him again? What if they need him to hunt again?”

 

“I don’t know, Cassie… I really don’t.” Gabriel admitted. “But I bet if anyone did, it would be your other charge.”

 

“I suppose you’re right,” Castiel agreed. “She has been studying everything to do with the all the realms, mythologies and such. Honestly, I’m starting to worry my little Holly has an obsession…”

 

“Can you blame the girl?” Gabriel asked, sitting down next to his brother and wrapping his wings around him. “First, loses her father, her sister commits suicide, her mother dies, her sisters try to push her to move on when she hasn’t even grieved because they already have their perfect lives, and then her boyfriend commits suicide before she found out she was pregnant? If I were her, I would need a hobby too. If distracting herself helps her cope while she’s still waiting to see if this pregnancy sticks, then so be it. Besides, how can she not be fascinated with our realm and others when she has you to look up to?”

 

“That’s true. Poor Holly hasn’t had it easy. It would be for the best to visit her either way. My poor girl is probably worried sick and afraid to pray to me. She’s gotten so used to be left alone that even when I break our routine of visiting her once a week, she won’t pray to me unless it’s been a month or longer since I visited.” Castiel agreed, sighing as he’s reminded of how his other charge is just as stubborn as the one he’s holding. “But what am I supposed to do with you?”

 

At that moment Dean slowly blinked until he was fully awake. He looked up at his angel and cooed happily, smiling up at his protector.

 

“Just tuck him into your Grace like before, when you were remaking his body. If you leave him with his parents, he certainly will never be able to return to Earth at all.” Gabriel suggested, helping his brother to his feet.

 

“Well, if that’s the case, then let me at least get him back to sleep first.” Castiel responded, starting to hum a soft tune. “I can finally see That you're right there beside me. I am not my own For I have been made new. Please don't let me go. I desperately need you. I am not my own For I have been made new. Please don't let me go. I desperately need you…”

 

And like that, Dean was asleep once more and perfectly content.

 

“Where’d you hear that one, Cassie?” Gabriel asked in a whisper as his brother gently tucked a tiny sleepy baby Dean into his Grace.

 

“Holly sang it to me one day when she was having a particularly rough time and I came to her aid. She said it was called “Meteor Shower” by a music group call Owl City.” Castiel answered with unbridled affection. “Shall we go visit my little girl?”

 

“I swear, you may as well have been her father with the way you are.” Gabriel smiled, rolling his eyes. “To think, my baby brother is a Seraph hiding his true wings and parading around as a Guardian Angel because he has too much love and paternal instinct.”

 

“And yet, you couldn’t be more proud.” Castiel pointed out, giving his brother a cheshire grin.

  
Gabriel chuckled and playfully shoved his baby brother as they walked towards the gates. Once there, they grinned at each and took to the air. Castiel briefly let his six fiery wings light up the dusky Florida sky before concealing them again as they took their time flying over the Atlantic Ocean towards the home of Holly Chase, a little split level duplex in Neptune Beach, Florida.


End file.
